The Pain In His Heart
by Chase The Dream
Summary: A spinoff of brattyteenagewolf's Behind Blue Eyes showing what would happen if the outcome were different. GerIta, smut in second chapter. I reccomend reading Behind Blue Eyes!
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: **_Oh hai there! Short story based on brattyteenagewerewolf's story _behind blue eyes_. I only read the first three chapters when I wrote this, so I had no idea what happens to Germany. But I thought this is how it'd go if he died.

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><p>This was the last thing Japan had expected. Yes, he did blame Germany for everything that had happened. He did want the other nation to feel guilty. He deserved it. It was his fault America killed innumerable people, many of which were children. Germany <em>deserved <em>everything he was getting. But this… Japan didn't think this would be the result.

They all sat in a large church. The tall tan stone walls were adorned with long tapestries in rich colors, and stained glass windows. The color of the glass stretched across the faces of the World's countries and the floors. Though many of the colors looked happy and bright acting as a mock shadow, the feel of the room was less than joyous.

The many candles in the room were held by golden candelabras and long candle sticks varying from a foot tall to several feel tall. Each candle was lit for the ceremony. A large crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, sparkling so brightly it would hurt to look at it. Long mahogany pews were lined up perfectly in front of the other. In between the two sections a long red rug stretched from the entrance to the front of the church.

The countries of the World sat in the front pews, either staring sadly, or opting not to look at all. But all had the same feeling upon them. Guilt. At the very front of the church large arrangements of flowers covered the large stage. In the middle a black casket sat containing the former country known as Germany.

This wasn't what Japan wanted. He wanted Germany to know just how much he'd hurt him. Not just him but Italy too. But he supposed this was the world's way of showing him what he was doing. He was angry with Germany. Most of all hurt. All he wanted was Germany to hurt like he had. Japan had taken it to extremes. He'd done everything to hurt Germany because he though the bigger nation couldn't be hurt. Not so easily. But as he looked at the blonde laying in that casket, he realized he'd done something he could never take back. He'd pushed the other away when he _knew _he was in pain. And it wasn't just _Japan _punishing _Germany. _At that point it was _Kiku _punishing _Ludwig. _It was blind anger. Now he could never apologize. He had to live with what he'd caused.

And not only had he killed a friend over something that wasn't his fault, he'd lost a friend for it. Italy was surely going through the same thing as he. But Kiku _knew _Italy blamed him for Germany's death.

Italy sat in the very front next to his brother. Romano grumbled about the potato bastard taking the easy way out, but Feliciano knew he didn't mean it. The Italian couldn't help but stare at the casket sadly. As much as Feliciano didn't want to admit it, he was part of the reason Lud-… No. He didn't deserve to call him by his real name. But he was part of the reason Germany was dead.

Germany himself wore a black suit, a white button up shirt underneath and a black tie. Around his neck Feliciano's cross hung, resting above his heart. A pillow wrapped in his country's flag sat below his head.

The prayers had just finished, and it was time for Prussia to speak. Gilbert walked up to the stage and stood in front of the wooden stand that held a microphone. He scanned over the crowd, a look of contempt in his eyes. He blamed them all.

"Ludwig," He started, voice cracking. "Was one of the greatest people I knew. He was a great Country. But most of all, he was my little brother."

He paused for a second, judging each of the other's expressions.

"I'll tell you something no one but I know. You all know Gilbird. And I'm sure you all know he's not the only one I've had. I want you to know, that after the first died, my brother…" Prussia stopped, and tried to hold back his tears.

"My brother went out and got another bird for me because I was depressed. He went so far as to get an exact double of Gilbird. And he's done that every time one died. It's been thousands upon thousands of years he's been doing this. It hurts to know I'll never receive that kindness from him again. And despite what some of you might think, he was the nicest guy you could ever meet. He was loyal and trusting." He said.

He couldn't help it. If there was any time to cry it would be now.

"And now he's gone! My little brother is gone! All because he trusted some of you! Even when you turned your back on him, he couldn't betray you!" He yelled, staring accusingly at both Japan and Italy. He couldn't bring himself to be satisfied with the looks on their faces. No amount of guilt Japan felt, or amount of tears Italy shed, could make him forget the hole in his heart where his brother once was.

"When I was asked to identify his body, I was shown something. On his back were whip wounds. That was his punishment for losing the war. But he hid them. He acted as if nothing was wrong. He wanted to be strong. But he couldn't. No matter how he looked on the outside, on the inside he was slowly dying. He had no one. I tried to be there for him, but he didn't trust me. All he thought about was how much everyone hated him. And what gets me the most, what _pisses me off _about this whole thing, is that it wasn't his fault. And you all _know _that. As countries you _know _we have no free will. You _know _we're at the mercy of our people's wants. You _know _we have no control over what we must do, or what our bosses want. We have to follow the will of our people no matter what we want and hope everything ends for the best." He scalded.

Tears fell freely, and he couldn't find the will to make them stop.

"He didn't want any of this. And I'd like to tell you all now, that I have no intention of forgiving any of you. Not now, not a thousand years from today. And when you wake up every morning I want you to remember that I'll be alone at my kitchen table, not being able to even have a simple _breakfast _with my brother ever again." He ended, then left the stage wordlessly.

The funeral's director asked if anyone else wanted to speak, and for a minute it was silent. But Feliciano stood from his seat.

He made his way to the stand and stared at the crowd.

"Germany was nice. He yelled at me a lot, but he always saved me when I was in trouble. He took care of me when he didn't have to." He started, and everyone was a bit surprised when Italy spoke so seriously.

"He tied my shoes, and protected me, and didn't complain when I kissed him, and let me sleep in his bed when I had a bad dream, and… I left him alone." He said, starting to cry himself.

"I shouldn't of blamed him. I should of done something to help. I left him all alone and hurt him. But he would never do that to me. He'd never hurt me like I did to him." Feliciano sobbed quietly.

The other nations watched, some crying as well. They watched as Italy turned around and walked over to the casket.

The Italian stared at Germany's face sadly. He reached out and brushed his fingers over his cheek, tears flowing heavily when he felt that it was cold. He leaned down and laid his head on the German's chest.

"I'm sorry Germany. I'm so sorry I left you alone. I love you." He sobbed.

Romano and Spain eventually had to get on the stage and pull Feliciano away from the casket. The younger Italian's crying didn't cease. And when no one else stood to speak, they left the church and go into cars that were waiting for them. They drove to the graveyard where Ludwig would be buried. Most of them didn't pay attention to the burial. They were each lost in their own thoughts. When it was finally over everyone slowly left. The only ones left at Germany's grave were Gilbert, Feliciano, Romano, and Spain. Feliciano sat in front of the grave, staring at the dirt.

"Feliciano, we have to leave eventually." Spain said softly.

The young Italian turned to look at him, then back at the grave. Gilbert ignored them. He turned to leave, but stopped before walking away.

"I'll forgive you when you can bring him back." He stated coldly, then walked away.

Feliciano stared at his retreating figure sadly, then stood up himself.

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><p>It was a long time after that day until Japan and Italy had somewhat gotten over Germany's death. Japan prayed for him every night before bed, asking that he was forgiven. Italy had on more than one occasion snuck into what was now Prussia's house. He found out that sometimes Prussia would stop by the room, but would never open the door or go inside. Italy didn't care if Prussia would punish him severely for breaking into the room. The room smelled like Ludwig even after hundreds of years. Feliciano wouldn't allow it to get dusty. He cleaned it and dusted, but didn't pick up anything that Germany left out. He did however read Germany's journal once on a while. The last entry Germany wrote was one stating how much he was in pain, especially when the person he loved hated him.<p>

One night Italy had the impulse to write something in the book. He found a pen and at the very bottom of Ludwig's last entry he wrote _'I'm sorry. I love you.' _at the bottom. Feliciano stared at it for a while, then set it down.

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><p>The following week at the world meeting, everyone was talking about a new country. Italy had never paid much attention to world meetings, so he in fact was hundreds of years behind. He took his seat quietly. But his peace was short lived when everyone suddenly got up and ran to the door of the meeting room. Feliciano stayed behind. Someone tapped his shoulder and he looked up to see France.<p>

"You're not interested in the new nation?" He inquired.

The Italian just shook his head.

"Let me tell you something. After Germany's death, Prussia went to England for help. The reason being England knows how to create a new country." He explained.

Italy's eyes widened. What was Prussia trying to do?

"But that's the easy part. Prussia successfully created a new country. There's a part of the country's personification formation where a soul isn't present. England helped him with his black magic, hoping to bring Germany back. I'm the only one who knows. And I don't know if it worked. But I believe you might want to find out." He smiled at the younger country.

Italy was shocked. Bring…Germany back? Was that even possible? He almost knocked his chair over when he got up. He rushed into the crowd of countries and in the middle found Prussia standing next to another man, who looked about the same age as Italy. But Feliciano knew he must be less than 500 years old. It had only been close to 600 since Germany died. The man looked a bit like Germany. He had the same blue eyes and same pale skin. But his hair was a dark brown.

Prussia looked over to him, and put an arm around the younger nation. To think, a country in only 600 years? What had Prussia done to achieve this? It _must _have taken so much of his own countries money, people, and resources. The two Germans walked through the crowd to the table, but Italy grabbed a hold of the mock Ludwig's shirt sleeve. Prussia turned around and glared harshly at the Italian.

"What is it?" The dark haired man asked.

"Ge-Germany?" Feliciano questioned.

The man just stared at him questioningly.

"It has to be you! France told me! You have to be Germany!" He stated, his voice frantic.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He replied.

Prussia threw Italy's hand off his brother. "Shut up. Even if it was, I wouldn't let you near him. Not again. He has no memory. So I don't know if he's the old Germany. Even if he was he'd start out with a clean slate."

The dark haired man looked between them curiously. What was going on?

"But! Here! Look at this!" He said frantically, digging in his jacket.

He pulled out Ludwig's old journal. Prussia looked at him appalled.

"You broke into his room?" He exclaimed.

Italy showed it to the man. "Here! This is your Journal. It has to be!"

He looked at it hesitantly. What did he mean it was his journal? He didn't recall ever having one. But he took it from the Italian's hands either way. He stared at it for a second before a look of realization hit him. This was…

Feliciano gasped as the man dropped the book and clutched his head. He ground his teeth in pain. Prussia put a hand on his back and asked what was wrong, but before he could answer, a strong gust of wind blew through the room.

It blew the journal pages wildly, and Feliciano wanted to grab it before any of the pages were lost. But he was blinded as a light seemed to come from it. They all watched in awe as the light lifted from the pages, the words lifting off the paper and circling around it. It floated over to Prussia's brother. The ball of light seemed to disappear into the man's forehead. He let out a cry of pain before falling to his knees.

The Italian rushed to his side. "Are you ok?" He asked.

The man looked up and stared at Feliciano in awe. "I-taly?"

Prussia looked back to England for an answer to what just happened.

"It looks like we did it. We got his soul back, but he didn't have memories. His journal was a trigger for them." He explained, unable to believe it actually worked.

"So it is you!" Italy exclaimed, then launched himself at Germany.

Germany wrapped his arms around the crying Italian.

"I knew it was you! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to leave you alone! Please forgive me! It's all my fault!" The smaller man wailed.

The German had to wait a minute to let his memories come back to him. He suddenly felt painfully saddened by his final memories. He remembered the way he hurt his friends, and how they hated him. And he also remembered the very last thing he said before he died.

Feliciano set his shaking hands on Ludwig's cheeks and leaned in to peck him on the lips repeatedly, mumbling over and over how he was sorry. Germany pulled him closer and laid his head on the other's shoulder. The other nations stared in complete and utter shock. Germany was back! This was the most unbelievable thing in the entire world!

Prussia rushed to Ludwig's side and pushed the Italian away. He held his younger brother's head to his chest. "It's really you. I can't believe it." He cried.

Ludwig hugged his brother back, then pulled away from him. Japan approached slowly, then dropped to his knees and bowed.

"I'm sorry for what I did Germany. I couldn't hope for you to forgive me, and I don't expect you to. I just want you to know I'm so very sorry for what I did. It's my fault." He said solemnly.

Germany smiled at him sadly. "It's ok. I forgive you. I understand why you did it now."

Ludwig was willing to completely forgive him. He was just glad that he had gotten another chance to set things right and be with the others.

"No! I won't let either of you near him! You killed him! That won't happen again. I'll make sure of it." Gilbert yelled,

"But-" Italy started,

"No." The Albino said finally.

Ludwig set his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Brother, I'm back. It won't happen again. You can forgive them now. And even if you didn't, you wouldn't want a Romeo and Juliet type story playing out would you? I'm not going anywhere."

Gilbert looked at his brother sadly before sighing.

"I'll let you do what you want. I won't stop you if it makes you happy. But you've been through a lot. Go home." He told him.

Germany stood up, along with his brother. Italy took a hold of Ludwig's hand. He'd take him home. Feliciano pulled Ludwig along until they were through the doorway. They closed the door behind them, but Germany had to stop walking forward when he realized Italy wasn't moving. He turned around to see him crying. Ludwig took a hold of his chin and made him look up at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm so sorry. I left you all alone. You were hurting. But you'd never hurt me. You'd always protect me no matter what. Even if I was annoying. It's my fault you died." He replied softly.

Germany pulled him into a hug, then leaned in to brush his lips against the smaller nations'. As he tried to pull away, Feliciano pulled him back in and kissed him frantically. He pressed his lips almost harshly into the German's, licking and sucking at his bottom lip. Ludwig separated his lips and welcomed the smaller nations' tongue into his mouth. The Italian lapped at the other's tongue without hesitation. Now that Germany was back, he couldn't waste any time. The taller man pulled away which made Feliciano whine at the loss.

"We should get back to my house." He said, panting.

Italy followed him all the way to the car outside the building, and kept his arms tightly around the other's waist the whole ride back to Germany's house. He was afraid he might disappear again if he didn't.

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><p><em><strong>AN: <strong>_I'm so glad brattyteenagewerewolf gave me permission to post this! I was writing like a madwoman trying to get it done! There will be a second chapter for the smut lovers! I had a lot of fun writing it, even if I was crying at some points. Reviews are love! Smut in the next Chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: **_I promised smut didn't I? Here it is! I apreciate all the support i've been given for this story! Enjoy!

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><p>When they pulled up to Germany's house, Italy got out first. Ludwig led him to the door and reached above the doorframe to get the key. When found it he unlocked the door. They went inside and Germany was surprised when the Italian immediately started to pull him upstairs.<p>

"Italy, what are you doing?" He asked when they reached his door.

He was answered by Feliciano pushing him against the doorway with strength Ludwig didn't think the smaller had. Italy frantically attacked his neck, sucking and biting. Germany tried to hold in a moan. What was he doing?

"Fe-Feliciano. What's going on?" He asked as stern as he could manage.

The Italian pulled back, his lips slightly swollen and pink with a hazy look in his eyes.

"I want to do what I couldn't before. Ludwig, I love you." He said softly, before grinding into the taller nation.

Ludwig let out a gasp, watching the look on Feliciano's face change from hazy to lusty. He couldn't let the Italian have all the fun. So he grabbed Italy's hips and switched their positions. Italy squeaked, but it soon turned into a moan when Germany pressed himself against the other. The taller opened the door but held Feliciano steady as he guided him into the room and eventually onto the bed. Italy scooted up further to rest his head on the pillows. Germany followed and loomed over him, palming his cheek.

"I love you Ludwig. I love you so much." The smaller nation said, starting to tear up.

Ludwig watched his little Italy on the verge of breaking. He felt his heart crack, but melt at the same time. He leaned in to nuzzle the other's neck. Feliciano _loved _him. He was beyond happy. He was so glad to be alive again. No matter what it was Prussia and England had done to bring him back, he was in their eternal debt. From now on he planned to live for a _very _long time. Much longer than he had before, just so he could be with Feliciano.

"You know, I'm not Germany anymore." He commented.

Italy looked at him curiously. "What's your name now?"

"The Germanic Republic of Prussia." He replied, smiling. "But I prefer Germany."

Feliciano smiled and pushed up to meet Ludwig's lips. The two kissed for a while, just letting their hands roam. Italy got impatient soon though. He started unbuttoning Germany's shirt, and managed to pry it off his body. Then the smaller nation kicked his own boots off, his jacket and shirt following soon. Ludwig laughed slightly at how Italy was being so eager.

"Vee~ Ludwig, switch places with me for a while ok?" He asked, innocently.

Who was he to deny Feliciano? So he got off the Italian and laid down where he was previously. Italy pried at Germany's boots, having trouble getting them off. The German laughed, then untied and removed his boots for himself. Italy pouted at his inability to do the task, a blush stretching across his face and chest. But he got over it quickly, crawling over the larger nation's legs. He rested neatly in between the other's knees. Both of his hands roved up Ludwig's thighs, finding their target when they reached his pant's zipper. He pulled it down, and watched as Germany's face heated up and turned red.

"It's just me Germany." Italy sighed, then left small kisses down the other's stomach.

Ludwig groaned when his pants were pulled down just enough to let his member out it's confines. Feliciano smiled, then gave it a curious lick. Germany moaned, and tilted his head back on the pillow. He was encouraged by that and took him whole. Ludwig was torn between moaning and making a surprised noise. In the back of Italy's head, he formed a plan. He was going to make sure Germany knew how sorry he was and how much he loved him. The smaller nation licked and nibbled the head, then let it go with a soft '_pop'. _Germany panted below him. Italy climbed back over the German and positioned himself above his manhood. He knew it would hurt, but he would rather hurt for Germany's sake than anyone else's.

"Italy, what are you doing?" Ludwig asked hazily but still coherent enough to know what Feliciano just might be thinking.

Feliciano smiled then leaned down to kiss the other and successfully muffle any protests. He pressed down slowly but steadily on the other nation. To be honest it was one of the worst pains he'd ever felt. It felt like he was being ripped in two from the inside out. But he didn't stop. Ludwig broke the kiss and winced at the almost-too-tight feeling. Italy tried not to cry, but he couldn't help it. When the clear drops hit Germany's cheek he looked up to see Feliciano in complete and utter pain. It brought back the memories of shooting the other. Causing him pain and making him suffer.

"Italy! Don't! You'll get hurt! You might tear!" He exclaimed, taking hold of Feliciano's hips and trying to pull him up.

"No! Please…. Please Germany. Let me do this." He pleaded and pushed down harder against the hands.

Ludwig looked at the smaller nation sadly before closing his eyes tightly. He wouldn't dare move in fear of hurting the other even more. He waited patiently as Italy whined and whimpered above him. Eventually there was only one last push before Germany was in all the way. They both froze. It took everything the smaller nation had not to burst into tears. Though the pain was slowly subsiding as he could feel the German softening inside him. Well that wouldn't do.

Feliciano winced a little when he pulled up slowly, then pushed back down. He repeated this pattern several times before the pain disappeared. Ludwig suddenly let out a deep moan when the Italian picked up the pace. Italy supported himself by keeping his hands on Germany's chest as he bounced up and down. Even though Germany still though of not hurting Italy, eventually all thoughts were lost. Despite the situation he was getting hard again.

Italy kept the pace up. He could tell Ludwig was close. How his hips were met halfway down by the larger German's. For him it was hit and miss. The feel of being filled by _Germany _after 600 long years of regret and hopelessness was amazing. But not every thrust hit his prostate. A couple more minutes of bouncing and grinding, the German came. Feliciano watched Ludwig's face relax and his eyebrows knit together before he sank back down into the bed.

He looked up at Italy with tired eyes, but couldn't help noticing his obvious problem. Germany reached for Feli's manhood. He stroked lightly and was satisfied with the shivers he let out. Ludwig was mesmerized by the look on Feliciano's face. The Italian's eyes were shut lightly, a blush covering most of his face and chest. His mouth hung open as he panted lightly. His lips were bright pink and bruised. The German pressed his thumb to the head. The smaller arched a little more, moving his hands to rest on Ludwig's thighs as he leaned back. Germany began stroking, and sped up when Italy moaned. The smaller closed his eyes and gripped onto Ludwig's thighs a little tighter. It wasn't long before the smaller nation came as well. Feliciano stilled, then fell forward onto his lover. Despite the stickiness between them, Ludwig was happy. Things were silent for a while, but eventually Germany felt the need to shower.

"Italy, we should take a shower. We can go to bed after." He offered.

His response was a quite whine. He sighed, then lifted Italy off him. It was an understatement to say he was a bit worried when a small amount of blood mixed with the German's own seed ran down the smaller's thigh. Carefully Ludwig carried the brunette to the bathroom and turned on the lights. Feliciano didn't appreciate the blinding light, and covered his eyes.

"Can you stand up?" The taller asked as he gently set the other on his feet.

Italy wobbled slightly but steadied himself in no time. The German smiled and turned around to open the sliding glass door of the shower. Italy looked around to admire the room. He hadn't been in Germany's bathroom in a long time. He had stopped coming to Germany's house after a couple hundred years. Feliciano assumed Germany was raised in a different room than his old one. It hadn't been touched and never once during the time the new Germany was formed did he see anyone when he broke in. But the bathroom was certainly looking new. Maybe Prussia decided to redecorate?

The walls were a deep red, and a strip of wallpaper lined the ceiling. The wallpaper had yellow leaves and golden baroque designs weaving throughout it. The sink cabinets were dark mahogany with a granite top. The mirror above the sink was large and had lights fixed onto the wall that hung down like lilies of the valley. The shower had red and white tiles on the outside, white inside, and a frosted sliding glass door. Everything about the room seemed so nice for just being a bathroom.

Italy was snapped out of his musings when Germany held his hand out. Feli took it without hesitation and was helped into the already running water. Ludwig followed after him and shut the door. The smaller sighed at the warm water. This was nice. The snap of a bottle cap opening caught his attention. He turned to see Ludwig holding a bottle of shampoo. Germany smiled when the Italian squeaked at the cold shampoo that was put on his head. He started washing Feliciano's hair and set the bottle back where it was. Italy sighed in content and leaned into the touch. It didn't last long though, because he was moved under the shower's spray.

Ludwig found Italy's face adorable when he closed his eyes to keep the soap out.

"Here." Germany offered a white rag to the other. "Go ahead and wash yourself."

Feli took the rag happily and did as he was told. Germany went about his own routine. After their quick shower the two dried off quickly and got dressed in clean clothes. Italy had gotten into the habit of wearing clothes to bed after Ludwig's death. The Italian was too lazy to change the sheets, so he just pulled off the dirty ones and put them on the floor. He was perfectly comfy with the bare mattress and blanket. Curled up in the blanket he sighed, content in being wrapped up in Germany's scent. In the back of his mind he felt a bit of fear that this was just like all the other times he came to this room and was all alone. But when the bed shifted and he heard Ludwig's disapproving sigh the fear was gone.

"You can't just leave the mattress bare." He stated, pulling some of the blanket off the Italian for himself.

Italy giggled. "You don't seem to mind it _that_ much."

The German sighed again. But this time it wasn't disapproving or anything of the sort. He was happy. Ludwig wrapped his arms around the smaller nation and pulled him close. Feliciano snuggled closer and rested his forehead in the crook of Germany's neck.

"Germany?" Italy called softly.

Ludwig hummed his response.

"Can you…. Call me by my real name when we're alone?" He asked timidly.

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt." He told the other casually.

Feliciano smiled happily and buried his head deeper into Ludwig's neck.

"Ti amo Ludwig."

"Ich liebe dich Feliciano."

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><p><strong><em>AN: <em>**Sorry if it was a bit short for anyone's liking. I think it turned out good! But typing for two people and using a million different names gets confusing and i'm not sure this was as organized and nice as I wanted it to be.

But anyway, thank you all _so much _for adding this story to your Favorites and Story Alerts! Some of you even added me to your Favorite Authors and Author Alerts! It's certainly not something i'm used to, but I enjoy it very much and open every Email I get from the FFBot even if it's the same thing saying I got a new follower for this. So you can all be assured I've seen your usernames at least once, and apreciate you taking time to read this.

And to those who reviewed thank you so much! Brattyteenagewerewolf, thanks for letting me do this, and keep on going with your own wonderful story! I enjoy it a lot. I can't remember the other Reviewer's username, but they mentioned crying a lot. I'm sad you cried, but happy you did too! Art is meant to provoke emotion, no matter what emotion it be. If it can't do that it's not art. So i'm glad I succesfully got what I was aiming for!


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